how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people

__How To Win Friends And Influence People__ Reviewed by Mitchell Foley How to __Win Friends and Influence People__, by Dale Carnegie was written in 1937, for the sole purpose of teaching people how to succeed in life, business, and friendship through simple everyday social practices. How to __Win Friends__ was written several years after Mr. Carnegie started his extremely popular and effective courses in effective speaking and human relations. The ideas throughout Carnegie’s book are taken from the author’s personal experiences along with examples and idea’s from hundreds of real life people that have used certain methods to successfully better themselves in life and business. The book begins with general ideas on how people view themselves and act to certain influences. Carnegie points out that every person’s own action is justified in his or hers own mind and that it pointless to argue other wise. Carnegie also shows that no matter a person’s wrong doing it is never that person’s fault, or in other words people never place the blame upon themselves. Carnegie argues that the person in the wrong should not be criticized because we cannot see from this person’s perspective. The book then uses Abraham Lincoln as a direct example as someone who applied this principle and succeeded because of it. Later, Carnegie explains that the only way to really get a person to do something (without resentment or hate) is to make them want to do it. In short, the way to get people to do what the reader wants them to do is to make it something they want to do. For example, instead of yelling or demanding somebody to do a task or job tell them the benefits they will receive from doing the task. Carnegie also points out that arguing or trying to force a person to do what the reader wants, often has the opposite effect and makes the person even less willing to do the task at hand. Next, Carnegie discus’s the //Six Ways to Make People Like You.// The first way that Carnegie discusses is to become interested in other people. The author relates that one of the best ways to create new business or make new friends is find out what your audience is interested in, and start a conversation involving the subject matter. Carnegie gives numerous examples of people gaining new business transactions and allies by using this idea. The next way to make people like you, that Carnegie discusses is to smile. Carnegie states, “That the expression one wears one’s face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one’s back”, put simply the best first impression that a person can make is to smile. The book explains that smiling can make numerous friendships and hospitality everywhere. The next way that Carnegie discusses is to learn and remember people’s names. The book states that great friendship and appreciation can come from simply taking the time to learn and pronounce peoples name. One of the most fascinating and successful people that Carnegie uses as an example is Theodore Roosevelt, who received much of his widespread popularity from his amazing talent in remembering peoples name. The fifth way, which Carnegie brings up again to further emphasize the point, is to talk in other people’s interest. The final way to make people like you, that Carnegie discusses is to make the other person feel important. The author shows that one of the best ways to make people instantly like the reader is for the reader to compliant other people on their strengths. In the next part, the book covers the twelve principles on //How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking//. The author begins the principles by stating “You can’t win argument”. Carnegie writes that arguing with a person almost never gets them to see the reader’s own way, but further increases their certainty that they are right. Carnegie shows through his own personal experiences, along with others, that the reader will often gain more goodwill and acceptance of their point of view by reasoning out loud the accuracies of the other person’s side. This in turn gains more respect and thinking for the reader’s side of the case than any amount of arguing. The second principle further goes on to exemplify the first principle by stating that one should always show respect for the other person’s opinion and never tell them that he or she is wrong. The next principle the author discusses is to have the reader admit that he or she is wrong when they know they are, this often relieves the consequences and harsh feelings that the reader may receive from waiting for another person to find out the truth. The next way to win people to the readers way of thinking that Carnegie discusses is to start all meetings or even confrontations in a friendly way, this will most likely have a much positive and insightful response. Carnegies next principle is one in which is derived from Socrates, and focuses on stating and restating the ideas that the reader and another person agree on, instead of those that they disagree. Principle six focuses on giving the other person the opportunity to talk out their ideas and thoughts on a disagreement instead of the reader putting in his or hers own opinions. The next point that Carnegie illustrates is instead of the reader giving his or hers own idea, make suggestions and have the other person come up with his own idea or conclusion. Principles eight and nine recap a major theme throughout the entire book by getting the reader to see things from the other persons view and respecting that viewpoint. The next principle Carnegie discusses deals with appealing to a higher more noble cause. Carnegie explains that instead of pointing out the selfish reason a person should or should not do something, find a reason that sounds more dignified and noble and use that reason over the alternative. The next point explains the importance of articulating the reader’s points more vividly, interestingly, and dramatically in order to fully get your point across. The last principle that Carnegie details, in order to win people to your way of thinking are to encourage competition or bring about a challenge. Carnegie relates that one of the best ways to bring about motivation and inspiration is to offer a challenge. The next part of the book focuses on how to //Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment//. The first idea that Carnegie puts across is that before the reader may try change or get somebody to do something, offer him or her a complement and appreciation. Starting out with praise makes it easier for a person to except the negative. Next, Carnegie focuses on how to criticize a person and not induce resentment. The author details that this can be done by indirectly drawing attention to the person’s shortcomings, instead of blatantly pointing them out. Later, Carnegie shows that another way to offer criticism is for the reader to first point out his or hers own mistakes before offering advice or criticism. Carnegie’s next point explains that instead of giving direct orders the reader should ask questions that imply the other person to respond and achieve the task in their own way while achieving the task wished to be done, without creating anger or hate. The next principle Carnegie discusses deals with allowing people to save face. In other words, when demoting somebody give him or her the title or feeling of importance while achieving the necessary result. The rest of the book Carnegie uses to detail how the dignity and respect of a person should be maintained, despite their mistakes or faults.  In all, Dale Carnegies __How To Win Friends and Influence People__ focuses on how the reader should treat friends, strangers, enemies, arguments, and controversy in order to maintain the dignity, respect, and friendship of all those involved. Carnegie breaks his book into specific principles for each type of social contact and the best way of going about each problem as provided by specific examples.